Living Jenn

A LIFESTYLE BLOG ABOUT MARRIAGE, INFERTILITY, AND LIFE

Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Tom Petty was right; waiting is the hardest part!

I thought CD1* was starting on Saturday, which meant we could start our fertility meds, but it was a false alarm. It seems the hysteroscopy I had is throwing my cycle off…sigh. This week is reminding me to slow down, give grace, be patient, trust in The Lord (and doctors), and be still all things I struggle with.
This morning at Trader Joe’s, I was reminded that people need grace just like I need grace. Kevin and I discussed things we’ll need in the coming weeks and the lady ringing us up asked if we were trying for a baby. I quickly said with a smile YES! The lady replied, “I’ll give you my 15-year-old for a while, and you won’t want one.” I said, “awe, no thanks. I have a step-son, and I raised my brother, so we know how kids are; we were once one not that long ago *wink smile*. I could have quickly snapped back a snarky remark, but the lady doesn’t know what I’m going through, so instead, I gave her grace.
We got word that we are officially in a fertility drug study! The study pays for most of the IVF cost (yay!!); our portion is only $3,500! YAY again!!! We first heard of the study at the seminar we attended at our clinic with our doctor but didn’t inquire until two months ago. I’m so happy I decided to consider it not just because we’re saving money. Still, my hope is the research will help a fellow TTC** Sisters in the future. There are clinics in several states participating in this study and other studies; if you’re interested, the one in the one I’m doing, here’s a link: The Ivy Study. Now back to waiting on Aunt Flo to arrive!

XOXO,
Jenn

*CD 1 means cycle day 1 the first full day of a menstral cycle
** TTC means trying to conceive

Maya Massage

This past Wednesday, I had a polypectomy; after the surgery, my doctor came into recovery and enthusiastically told me, “everything looks good, and everything is exactly where it should be!” She also said there were no signs of endometriosis, scar tissue, or adhesions.

After the surgery, I made an appointment for a Maya Massage. I know some women benefit from the massage for me I don’t think it was worth it. Looking back, I wish I had asked for a consultation and had the therapist check to see if I needed a massage or not. Before the massage, the therapist told me that she would check if the uterus is tilted, prolapsed, or out of place. After the massage, I asked what she thought she said, “your uterus didn’t seem out of place, tilted or prolapsed,” basically everything the doctors had told me. I did ask if she thought I needed to come back, she said not unless I wanted to.

Ladies, prior to having anything done, make sure you need it; if there’s absolutely no reason to do something, don’t do it; don’t waste your money. If you have the Maya Massage, make sure you have it at the right time of the month; if the therapist says you can have it anytime, then look elsewhere. As always, consult your doctor before trying anything new.

XOXO,
Jenn

What Do You Put Your Hope In

After being diagnosed with infertility, I took to Google and searched for every product claiming to aid, help, fix, or cure us. I would send Kevin pictures and say, “we need this” Kevin’s reply was always the same “whatever you think we need.” I was so desperate I would have tried anything, and everything; my desperation and longing for a baby were overshadowing my faith and hope.

One day Kevin asked me what I put my hope in? Is it Google or God? Is it a product making a claim, or is God? I quickly answered God, of course! I heard that question played over and over again in my mind for the next few weeks. One day, I sent Kevin a message while he was at work. I said, “my hope and faith is in God, not Google. I’m going to give everything over to God and no longer worry about my infertility.” That was the day that everything changed for me.

My hope and faith are not found in a bottle of supplements, a book claiming to cure me, a meditation claiming to give me a double line, a bracelet that has healing powers, a life coach or fitness coach that claims they can turn my life around and get me pregnant with a snap of a finger. I’m not saying I’m right or wrong; I’m saying these things are just not the end all be all for me. It doesn’t mean I don’t take supplements; I do or meditate because I do. We should do what makes us feel good. What makes me feel good is to go on living and not let my infertility control my life.

XOXO,
Jenn

P.S. We never bought any of those products.