Living Jenn

A LIFESTYLE BLOG ABOUT MARRIAGE, INFERTILITY, AND LIFE

What Do You Put Your Hope In

After being diagnosed with infertility, I took to Google and searched for every product claiming to aid, help, fix, or cure us. I would send Kevin pictures and say, “we need this” Kevin’s reply was always the same “whatever you think we need.” I was so desperate I would have tried anything, and everything; my desperation and longing for a baby were overshadowing my faith and hope.

One day Kevin asked me what I put my hope in? Is it Google or God? Is it a product making a claim, or is God? I quickly answered God, of course! I heard that question played over and over again in my mind for the next few weeks. One day, I sent Kevin a message while he was at work. I said, “my hope and faith is in God, not Google. I’m going to give everything over to God and no longer worry about my infertility.” That was the day that everything changed for me.

My hope and faith are not found in a bottle of supplements, a book claiming to cure me, a meditation claiming to give me a double line, a bracelet that has healing powers, a life coach or fitness coach that claims they can turn my life around and get me pregnant with a snap of a finger. I’m not saying I’m right or wrong; I’m saying these things are just not the end all be all for me. It doesn’t mean I don’t take supplements; I do or meditate because I do. We should do what makes us feel good. What makes me feel good is to go on living and not let my infertility control my life.

XOXO,
Jenn

P.S. We never bought any of those products.

Novemeber 13, 2014

 

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Last Friday, Kevin and I met with our Fertility Specialist, but first, let me tell you how we came to know him. After my gynecologist confirmed we would need reproductive assistance, I started Googling clinics in our area; if anyone has ever tried to look for a doctor of any kind, it can be overwhelming! We let it go and kept praying about it.
Kevin and I met with a doctor who was suggested to us, but we didn’t feel 100% ok with her. We decided to keep looking, but really, we stopped looking and kept praying. A few months later, I started following a fellow TTC Sister (TTC stands for Trying To Conceive) on Instagram. She recommended a clinic I had looked at several months earlier. I made an appointment to attend one of their seminars. The seminar was informative. I finally had a better understanding of our form of infertility.


We met last Friday with Dr. Tourgeman; he was the fertility doctor that conducted our seminar; the appointment couldn’t have gone any better. Dr. T confirmed what we already knew my labs were good, but I have fibroids, polyps, and a bad fallopian tube that all should be removed before we proceed. He did an ultrasound and said, “look at those beautiful ovaries with all those follicles in the” I cried a happy cry. We had finally got good news after feeling so hopeless for so long. Before we left, our next steps were laid out. I couldn’t believe this is happening as we walked out; I said, “this was too easy.”


Today we officially begin our journey to IVF and a baby of our own now; it’s about counting days, taking meds, labs, ultrasounds, surgery, so on and so on. This is the day I have prayed for. I have no fear or worry my heart is wholly settled. I know God is with us, guiding us. I’m thankful for all the people who God has placed in my life, especially @stillwaiting4baby. Please pray for Kevin and me and all the other couples dealing with infertility.