Living Jenn

A LIFESTYLE BLOG ABOUT MARRIAGE, INFERTILITY, AND LIFE

Waiting Is The Hardest Part

Tom Petty was right; waiting is the hardest part!

I thought CD1* was starting on Saturday, which meant we could start our fertility meds, but it was a false alarm. It seems the hysteroscopy I had is throwing my cycle off…sigh. This week is reminding me to slow down, give grace, be patient, trust in The Lord (and doctors), and be still all things I struggle with.
This morning at Trader Joe’s, I was reminded that people need grace just like I need grace. Kevin and I discussed things we’ll need in the coming weeks and the lady ringing us up asked if we were trying for a baby. I quickly said with a smile YES! The lady replied, “I’ll give you my 15-year-old for a while, and you won’t want one.” I said, “awe, no thanks. I have a step-son, and I raised my brother, so we know how kids are; we were once one not that long ago *wink smile*. I could have quickly snapped back a snarky remark, but the lady doesn’t know what I’m going through, so instead, I gave her grace.
We got word that we are officially in a fertility drug study! The study pays for most of the IVF cost (yay!!); our portion is only $3,500! YAY again!!! We first heard of the study at the seminar we attended at our clinic with our doctor but didn’t inquire until two months ago. I’m so happy I decided to consider it not just because we’re saving money. Still, my hope is the research will help a fellow TTC** Sisters in the future. There are clinics in several states participating in this study and other studies; if you’re interested, the one in the one I’m doing, here’s a link: The Ivy Study. Now back to waiting on Aunt Flo to arrive!

XOXO,
Jenn

*CD 1 means cycle day 1 the first full day of a menstral cycle
** TTC means trying to conceive

What Do You Put Your Hope In

After being diagnosed with infertility, I took to Google and searched for every product claiming to aid, help, fix, or cure us. I would send Kevin pictures and say, “we need this” Kevin’s reply was always the same “whatever you think we need.” I was so desperate I would have tried anything, and everything; my desperation and longing for a baby were overshadowing my faith and hope.

One day Kevin asked me what I put my hope in? Is it Google or God? Is it a product making a claim, or is God? I quickly answered God, of course! I heard that question played over and over again in my mind for the next few weeks. One day, I sent Kevin a message while he was at work. I said, “my hope and faith is in God, not Google. I’m going to give everything over to God and no longer worry about my infertility.” That was the day that everything changed for me.

My hope and faith are not found in a bottle of supplements, a book claiming to cure me, a meditation claiming to give me a double line, a bracelet that has healing powers, a life coach or fitness coach that claims they can turn my life around and get me pregnant with a snap of a finger. I’m not saying I’m right or wrong; I’m saying these things are just not the end all be all for me. It doesn’t mean I don’t take supplements; I do or meditate because I do. We should do what makes us feel good. What makes me feel good is to go on living and not let my infertility control my life.

XOXO,
Jenn

P.S. We never bought any of those products.

God Will Deliver Us From Our Misery

This year when Starbucks released their Christmas cup collection, I knew instantly which one I wanted. Every time I was out, I would say to myself, “I’ll get it later” Kevin even asked me a few times, and I would say the same thing “I’ll get it later.” Well, a few weeks ago, later came, and the cup sold out online, so I drove to a few stores, and no luck; it seems this cup was so popular it sold out right away. After a trip to a gym outside my area, I decided to stop and see if any stores in that area had the cup. I parked and prayed sort of jokingly, “Lord, this is it; this is the last store I’m stopping (which was the first store) at; please let them have the mug.” God knows my love for mugs, so this prayer doesn’t surprise Him.

I walked in, looked around, and there was MY CUP! I was so excited I walked up to the Barista and said, “I just prayed that you would have this cup, and here it is.” Smiling and laughing, I then said, “God delivers us from our misery.” The Barista replied, “Hallelujah! Yes, HE does!” Taken back, my eyes filled with tears, I looked at the Barista and said, “excuse me?” He replied, “God will always deliver us from misery. God will always redeem us.” I thanked the young man with tears rolling down and told him how much I needed to hear that right now.
I love how God places signs or people in our path to reaffirm what we know to reassure us of His promise to us. I hope this story will do for you what it did for me, and may you know whatever you are going through right now, whatever misery you are in, God will deliver you from it.

XOXO,
Jenn

PS I’m giving away FOUR Val Marie Paper Prayer Journals TWO winners plus TWO people they tag! Go back to Instagram, look for the post announcing this blog post, and tag a person you think would like a prayer journal. Good luck! Winners will be chosen at random and announced on Tuesday, December 30th.

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Photo By Val Marie Paper

Novemeber 13, 2014

 

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Last Friday, Kevin and I met with our Fertility Specialist, but first, let me tell you how we came to know him. After my gynecologist confirmed we would need reproductive assistance, I started Googling clinics in our area; if anyone has ever tried to look for a doctor of any kind, it can be overwhelming! We let it go and kept praying about it.
Kevin and I met with a doctor who was suggested to us, but we didn’t feel 100% ok with her. We decided to keep looking, but really, we stopped looking and kept praying. A few months later, I started following a fellow TTC Sister (TTC stands for Trying To Conceive) on Instagram. She recommended a clinic I had looked at several months earlier. I made an appointment to attend one of their seminars. The seminar was informative. I finally had a better understanding of our form of infertility.


We met last Friday with Dr. Tourgeman; he was the fertility doctor that conducted our seminar; the appointment couldn’t have gone any better. Dr. T confirmed what we already knew my labs were good, but I have fibroids, polyps, and a bad fallopian tube that all should be removed before we proceed. He did an ultrasound and said, “look at those beautiful ovaries with all those follicles in the” I cried a happy cry. We had finally got good news after feeling so hopeless for so long. Before we left, our next steps were laid out. I couldn’t believe this is happening as we walked out; I said, “this was too easy.”


Today we officially begin our journey to IVF and a baby of our own now; it’s about counting days, taking meds, labs, ultrasounds, surgery, so on and so on. This is the day I have prayed for. I have no fear or worry my heart is wholly settled. I know God is with us, guiding us. I’m thankful for all the people who God has placed in my life, especially @stillwaiting4baby. Please pray for Kevin and me and all the other couples dealing with infertility.